Leadership reDEFYned - Tami Chapek

In this episode of Everything's Not Black & White, Lachandra and Brian sit down with corporate veteran, executive coach, and author Tami Chapek. With nearly 25 years of experience climbing the ranks at major brands like J&J and Edwards Life Sciences, Tami shares what corporate success looks like from the inside—and why it so often leads to burnout and dissatisfaction.

The conversation breaks down the generational traps that face Gen Xers, Millennials, and Gen Z, while challenging the status quo of executive presence. Tami introduces her framework from her new book, Leadership reDEFYned, mapping out the four critical pillars: Authenticity, Efficacy, Influence, and Inspiration. Leaders will learn how to combat imposter syndrome, reject the pressure to conform to outdated corporate molds, and implement tiny, sustainable micro-adjustments to build a workplace rooted in human skills.

Social links:

www.linkedin.com/in/tamichapek

www.linkedin.com/company/weinspirewe

www.instagram.com/weinspirewe

www.facebook.com/weinspirewe

www.facebook.com/tamichapek

Websites:

www.weinspirewe.com

www.leadershipredefyned.com (the book) 

 30-second promo ad highlighting LBB Edutainment services and offerings. 

Transcript

Everything's Not Black & White

Leadership reDEFYned - Tami Chapek

Episode Transcript

Intro Announcement: Welcome to Everything's Not Black and White with your hosts, Lala and Brian.

Lala: Hey everybody, welcome to today's episode! Have you ever looked at someone's career and thought, "Wow, they really have made it," only to discover they're asking the same questions about purpose and fulfillment that many of us ask ourselves?

Well, today's guest, Tami Chapek, spent nearly 25 years building a successful corporate career before deciding to redefine leadership on her own terms. Today, through her company, We Inspire We, she helps leaders break through limiting beliefs, lead authentically, and create greater impact in their work and lives. We are so excited to learn from her journey and her insights. So please join me in welcoming Tami to the ENBW Podcast. Hey, girl!

Tami: Hey! Hey, so good to be here!

Lala: Oh my gosh, we are so excited to have you here and to bring all your breadth and knowledge to our listeners. Super, super, super glad you're here. Thank you for saying yes in a world where a lot of people say no.

Tami: Thank you for the opportunity. I'm excited to be here.

Lala: We're so excited! Let's jump right into this conversation, girl. Let's get into your origin story a little bit. You spent nearly 25 years in the corporate world—marketing, advertising, healthcare brands like Johnson & Johnson and Edwards Lifesciences. From the outside, that looks like a very successful career. What did that look like for you from the inside?

Tami: That's so interesting because early on, I felt like it was a very successful career. I was checking off the things on the list, my title kept moving up, and my salary kept moving up—all the things you look for. But I felt dissatisfied, burnt out, fatigued, and just less happy than I wanted to be.

Over a couple of years, I asked myself several times: "Is this all that my life is? Is this what my life is going to look like? Is this what I want my life to look like?" Through realizing that the answer was no to all of the above, I really had to figure out what to do differently. On paper, according to my own personal goals, I was moving forward, but it just wasn't laddering up to the satisfaction that I wanted to have in my life.

Lala: I love that you said "on paper." As a Gen Xer—which I lovingly call the Jan Bradys of the Brady Bunch, like "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!"—our Boomer parents told us, "Get a good job, stay for 40 years, do this thing." That was the knowledge I came in with. So when I had my first layoff and restructuring at my first job, I was like, "What does this mean for me?" It completely threw me off.

I look at what younger Millennials and Gen Zs are going through now, and the "on paper" standard isn't meeting expectations of what we were told would be a great corporate career. Did you feel that same kind of guidance and shocking realization?

Tami: Yes, I'm a Gen Xer as well! My sister and I were the first two in our family to go to college. There was an assumption—whether put on us or adopted on our own—that we would just go down this path and be highly successful individuals. A lot of it was driven by what society thinks success looks like because I hadn't taken the time to think about what success meant for me. It was just, "These are the things I need to do to prove that I can do it." I proved that I could, but it didn't result in what I wanted to feel inside.

Lala: What people say success is doesn't necessarily feel like that inside—you don't feel that fulfillment. Can you pinpoint a specific moment or an accumulation of moments where you said, "Oh, something's got to change because I am not feeling this anymore"?

Tami: I have two moments, but the last one was the most significant.

The first was in my mid-20s when I got promoted into my first leadership role. In full transparency, I was a really bad boss! I didn't change anything about my behaviors other than expecting people to act just like me. I thought if I was doing it right, everyone should do it exactly how I do it. I fell flat on my face. That was a moment where I had to ask myself, "Do I want to stay on this path, or what do I want to do differently?" That planted a seed for wanting something different.

The second moment came many years later in the advertising world. I had moved into a hybrid role between strategy, management, and business development, and I was honestly not set up for success. My boss didn't give me what I needed to succeed, leaving me in a place of huge burnout, fatigue, and dissatisfaction. It caused me to ask those questions again: "Is this what I want for my life?" At that point, I worked with a coach myself, had some huge awakenings, and realized I needed to move forward.

Lala: I love that story so much. For me, my mom was the first in our family to go to college, so there was a lot of trial and error. What was defined as "this is what a leader looks like" versus who you actually were didn't always align. I'm a very jovial, open person who loves people, and I was told so many times that I didn't have "executive presence" because I smiled too much and was too jovial! I was like, "Do you have to be mean to be a leader?!"

When you think about how you were designed to lead, how did you learn to be a leader? What examples did you follow?

Tami: I had a lot of trial-and-error moments and probably a lot of bad boss moments early on because I was emulating the behavior of bosses above me. Working in advertising, it was very male-driven at the top, so I took on aggressive, assertive behaviors and tones. But then I got dinged for that because, as a woman, being aggressive or assertive is labeled differently! It didn't ladder up to what they wanted to see.

It was a huge challenge: "How can I be myself, bring the best version of myself into my leadership, and still meet the criteria of what the organization is looking for?" It took me a long time to figure it out.

When Boomers and Gen Xers grew up, the model was "do what I do, say what I say, follow my lead." The breakdown is that we're not the same people—we have different strengths, values, and gifts. Trying to act like my male bosses worked against me, whereas leaning into what works for me—relationships, listening, and collaboration—was the real key. I had to shift my definition of what "good" looks like so that I could succeed.

Lala: I love that you brought that up. Just this week at a training session, someone was teaching "soft skills vs. hard skills"—hard skills being technical, soft skills being human skills. I told them, "Baby, there's nothing harder than being a human on this earth! Do not call human skills 'soft' skills!" Technical skills and human skills are both essential, but calling human skills "soft" makes them sound optional. There is nothing soft about navigating the complexity of human emotions, lived experiences, systems, and values. Am I right?

Tami: Amen! You are so right! Calling them "soft" makes it sound like, "Oh, it's optional, maybe if you feel like it." The word "soft" doesn't make it as meaningful as "human." I love that language change.

Lala: As an African American woman, I was always put in a box of not only acting like my male counterparts, but acting like my white male counterparts. I'm like, "I will never be a white man, I can't do that!" I have to show up as my truest self.

When you decided to leave the corporate space to become an entrepreneur, how hard was that to walk away from? What was the hardest part of deciding to bet on yourself?

Tami: I started taking coaching classes as a way to figure out what I wanted to do, thinking it would help me be a better boss and run my department better. I fell in love with it immediately. It changed my soul and changed how I looked at the world. I quickly got on a path toward making coaching and leadership development my full-time career.

I had decided I wanted to quit my job by the end of 2017. In October 2017, I found out my job was going to be made redundant at the beginning of 2018! I waited it out, got my severance package, and set up my business while working full-time. I was practically given the gift of having that decision accelerated.

It wasn't easy—I was still panicking about shifting from an office environment to working at home by myself—but I was given such a gift for that transition to happen.

Lala: A lot of times people say, "I just want to be my own boss," thinking it's easy. I'm like, "Baby, it's harder than you think!" You are hustling for these jobs and contracts. People love security—a steady paycheck every two weeks without thinking about it. As entrepreneurs, as soon as we land one contract, we're immediately hunting for the next one. It's hard out here!

Tami: It was such a big learning process for me to shift my internal reward system and find energy differently. As a super-extrovert, I needed to be around people. Learning how to make decisions as a business owner and not feel guilty if I'm not working 8-to-5 every day was a huge emotional process. Some days are really hard, but most days I'm like, "Okay, this is why I'm doing this; this is why it matters."

Brian: We love an 8-to-5 gig when you can get it, but as an entrepreneur, it seems more like 8-to-8, 8-to-9, or 8-to-10—whatever you've got to do to make it work!

Tami: Yeah, and having a little time off brings on guilt, like, "This needs to be done, that needs to be done."

Lala: The realization that "if I'm not working, no one is" is a hard pill to swallow. But if I'm not working, I'm filling myself up in other ways so that the work can be effective.

I love your core word: reDEFYned (spelled R-E-D-E-F-Y). It's all over your work, your company, your book, and your framework. What is the origin story behind that word, and what does it mean at the very core of what you do?

Tami: When I stepped into leadership, I was told to behave in a way that didn't match who I was authentically. I had to break the mold—I had to defy the ordinary white-male leader template to find my own path and make it work for me.

When I first started my leadership development business, I thought, "I'm only coaching women to help them get ahead." But I quickly realized that until we break the playbooks down and change the dynamics of how people get ahead, it's not going to matter. A woman can be confident, but she needs pathways open for her.

This idea of defiance, boldness, and breaking things down has been a core part of my business and personal path. We have to be able to say, "I'm not going to be ordinary; I'm going to defy the ordinary and be different."

Lala: Conformity is something where people say, "We want you to be different," but they really want you to conform. I've been a nonconformist most of my life!

Let's break down your reDEFYned leadership framework for our listeners. It has four major pillars: Authenticity, Efficacy, Influence, and Inspiration. How do those four connect, and why did you choose that specific order?

Tami: At the very center circle of it all is Authenticity. I define that as knowing your strengths, gifts, talents, and "special sauce." Own those things, lean into them, and use them to your advantage. Authenticity isn't an excuse to say, "This is who I am, take it or leave it." It's: "I am who I am, I'm going to use my strengths to grow, develop, and make the world around me better."

Surrounding that center are the three pillars of leadership execution:

1. Efficacy: Being competent in your role—doing what you say you'll do, showing up on time, time management, organization, and focus. Checking the box that you are executing well.
2. Influence: Helping people buy into the process and feel part of it so they want to move forward alongside you. It's not about authority or power; it's building energy and excitement around the work so people get on board.
3. Inspiration: The mecca of great leadership. Getting people to take action is great, but connecting them to the why—how this helps patients, clients, or the bigger picture—creates energy, motivation, creativity, and innovation that wouldn't exist without inspiration.

Lala: I love that you kept talking about the why. I'm a huge Simon Sinek fan! People don't want things done to them; they want things done with them. Your framework helps people see themselves in every aspect of the work.

Leadership isn't a title; leadership is an inside job. You lead yourself first in your mindset, behaviors, and actions.

Tami: I define leadership as the act of moving forward—moving yourself, your family, your business, or your initiatives. It's forward momentum, and anybody can do it. Leading self comes first. You have to check yourself and make sure you're showing up the way you want before you focus on influencing others.

Lala: In your coaching across multi-generational and multi-level leaders, what are some of the limiting beliefs you see people carrying around without even realizing it?

Tami: The biggest one is impostor syndrome. It's not just a women's thing—everybody has it! We all experience a lack of belief in ourselves and a lack of understanding of what value we bring to the equation. That disconnect happens frequently when we evaluate success purely on paper—titles, money, and external metrics—rather than knowing our insides.

Lala: When helping people conceptualize what success looks like individually, how do you guide them?

Tami: By asking: "What does success mean for you?" Not what it means for society, your parents, or your spouse, but what it means for you.

I have leaders define those qualities and characteristics, and then figure out how to build them into their daily practice. Align with your definition of success, not society's terms—even if that means going against the grain.

Lala: Most people don't want to stand out; they want to blend in. But blending in isn't Leadership reDEFYned!

You published a book recently titled Leadership reDEFYned: Defy the Ordinary to Unleash Your Potential. Congratulations as a fellow author! What made you decide to put these concepts into a book, and what does the book offer beyond a standard coaching session?

Tami: Thank you! I had it in my heart to write a book for a long time. As I developed my leadership coaching specialty, it became very clear to me that society was doing leadership wrong—putting external expectations on individuals and then being surprised when they don't perform identically.

I felt called to put pen to paper so that if everyone embraces their authenticity, values, and strengths, and leans on others for what they don't have, it opens doors for greater cognitive diversity, innovation, and creativity. If I can inspire one person, they'll inspire another, creating a massive ripple effect.

Lala: That point about leaning on others for what we don't have resonates so deeply. Society teaches us to be individualistic in leadership rather than collective. Where I'm weak, someone else is strong—we go further together!

As you talk to leaders globally, what does the landscape look like for true authentic leadership, and what are your concerns about the future of leadership development?

Tami: The interesting dichotomy I see is that companies offer coaching, training, and assessments like StrengthsFinder or Myers-Briggs to help people learn about themselves, but then turn around and say, "Great, now that you know yourself, do things exactly like your boss does!"

We teach people to hide their uniqueness and emulate top leadership, which feeds affinity bias. When we shift to a true strengths-based environment—where we support each other's gaps—it changes the entire culture and output of an organization. The biggest challenge and opportunity is breaking down everyday status-quo expectations and defying the ordinary for a reason.

Lala: I tell people all the time to lean into their superpowers! As a neurospicy person who was diagnosed as an adult, embracing my authentic style catapulted me to a whole new level.

To get a little personal as we wind down: you relocated to Columbus to be close to family, you have two French bulldogs, you're an amateur gardener, a wannabe chef, and an "Auntie Extraordinaire." How does your life outside of work make you better at what you do?

Tami: We need to have harmony between life inside and outside of work. Cooking for friends, hosting, playing with my dogs, and being an aunt gives me energy, joy, and fulfillment. It allows me to connect with myself and observe things in everyday environments that are directly applicable to leadership. Keeping that harmony, balance, and curiosity makes me better in every aspect of life.

Lala: It normalizes the fact that there isn't a hard wall between personal and professional—you are one multifaceted human being showing up every day!

If someone listening feels like they are playing a smaller version of themselves at work, what is one thing they should think about or do today to make tomorrow better?

Tami: Ask yourself: "What does 'good' look like?"

If you feel limited or aren't leaning into your strengths, picture what the ideal world would look like where you could own all of those things. Then ask: "What's one tiny thing I can do tomorrow to be 1% closer to that goal than I am today?" Break it down into micro-adjustments. Start with the end in mind!

Lala: Even 1% is progress! Sustainable change comes from tiny micro-adjustments, not sweeping New Year's resolutions.

Tami, if people want to connect with you, work with you, or get your book, where can they find you?

Tami: Visit us online at weinspirewe.com or leadershipredefyned.com for all details, coaching programs, and book info!

Lala: Awesome! Tami, thank you for your time, your expertise, and your lived experience.

Brian, how can people get in touch with us?

Brian: You can email us at embwpodcast@gmail.com, or follow us on Instagram and Facebook!

Lala: Thank you all for listening! Go out and be your most authentic selves. We'll see you soon. Bye!